For those curious what my current plans are here they are (based on my dream of making nationals coming true:
May 15th: Graduation, boom.
May 16th-18th: Nationals in Boulder Colorado (I hope)
May 19th-20th: Party Train to Chicago
May 20th-27th: Chi-town, Milwaukee, Madison
May 27th-Sept 1st: Camp in Minnesota
Sept 2nd-Sept 19th: In Europe with Hana
Sept 19th-Sept 24th: In Phoenix
Sept 24th-Sept 26th: Flying to New Zealand
Sept 26th-?: In New Zealand
Friday, April 18, 2008
Relationships
I have come to what is not a particularly insightful comment on relationships. But it's the best I got. I have decided that in the end the success of any relationship is predicated on one thing above all others; simply that the two people feel similarly about each other. I'm not talking necessarily about romantic relationships, it can be between two friends, or colleagues, or even adversaries. Essentially any relationship without some manor of equality built in.
You can be in a very good romantic relationship with someone that you aren't in love with and know you never will be, as long as they feel the same way. When this is not the case things get ugly. Unrequited love is something almost anyone can relate to on some level. They are few situations that illicit the sort of tragic helplessness that one gets from knowing that there is someone out there that you would do anything for, someone that you know for a fact if they only gave you a chance you could make genuinely and uniquely happy, but they just wont give you the chance. Conversely, how does one tell someone else that while they want you more than anything in the world you don't want to give yourself to them. How do you explain that there is nothing they can possibly do to make you love them, you simply don't. All the "it's not you it's me"s (which one should please never say) can't hide the fact that it is them, at least as much as it is you. If they were someone else you might love them, but they aren't. They are relegated to forever being themselves, the thing that you don't want. Now wouldn't a mutual mild attraction that could result in one drunken make out session and some later awkwardness be better than all that.
We all know the feeling of being friends with someone in our life where we didn't feel the way about that person that they did about us. Perhaps we liked them more than they liked us, a genuinely depressing feeling. Likewise having that tag along friend who can't seem to understand that you have other people you would rather spend time with can be equally frustrating.
Even among someone you don't like this can be frustrating and can destroy what could be an enjoyable adversarial relationship. Now I like most people, but occasionally there is just someone that rubs me the wrong way, I just don't like the cut of their jib. Ideally this person feels the same way and we can have quality half second stare downs, and try to cut each other down in front of others to boost our own self esteem. Who knows, maybe I could even steal his girlfriend and feel good about it, I don't have many opportunities to do something like that and not feel bad about it. But what if instead he just thinks I'm the cats pajamas? Thinks I'm a fun guy. Wants to go get a beer after work. Holds the door open for me instead of casually slamming it in front of me like my heart of hearts is begging he will. Now what can I do? I can't just concede the complete niceness high ground and be a huge jerk to him like every fiber of me wants to be, it's just not my character. So I'm relegated to clenching my jaw and eating lunch with him when we run into each other at chipotle. I have to make small talk at a party we're both at while I listen to him say things like, "I'd say my favorite restaurant is T.G.I. Fridays", or "I'm so pumped they brought family guy back", or "that damn weather man said there was only 15% chance of rain today and it poured for like an hour, why are they always wrong"?. All the while feigning the fact that I am enjoying myself, that shit is just unfair.
Addition May 28th: So as I re-read this I enjoyed it, but it does come off incredibly jaded. That is not surprising as I wrote it at a time where I was in fact quite jaded on relationships, or at least one. I wouldn't want you to think that that is who I am. My personal relationships are the most important thing in my life and I would trade nothing for them. For all the bad relationship situations that I ennumerated here, none of the inconvinience of any of them can match the proufound experience of a truly great relationship. When you have friend you respect, think is smart and funny, is interesting and elequent, is a good person and you love them, and they feel the same way about you, I really don't know if there is anything more valuable and more worth striving for in this world.
In the end, it doesn't matter if you love or hate someone, just so long as you find someone with the decency to feel the same way.
You can be in a very good romantic relationship with someone that you aren't in love with and know you never will be, as long as they feel the same way. When this is not the case things get ugly. Unrequited love is something almost anyone can relate to on some level. They are few situations that illicit the sort of tragic helplessness that one gets from knowing that there is someone out there that you would do anything for, someone that you know for a fact if they only gave you a chance you could make genuinely and uniquely happy, but they just wont give you the chance. Conversely, how does one tell someone else that while they want you more than anything in the world you don't want to give yourself to them. How do you explain that there is nothing they can possibly do to make you love them, you simply don't. All the "it's not you it's me"s (which one should please never say) can't hide the fact that it is them, at least as much as it is you. If they were someone else you might love them, but they aren't. They are relegated to forever being themselves, the thing that you don't want. Now wouldn't a mutual mild attraction that could result in one drunken make out session and some later awkwardness be better than all that.
We all know the feeling of being friends with someone in our life where we didn't feel the way about that person that they did about us. Perhaps we liked them more than they liked us, a genuinely depressing feeling. Likewise having that tag along friend who can't seem to understand that you have other people you would rather spend time with can be equally frustrating.
Even among someone you don't like this can be frustrating and can destroy what could be an enjoyable adversarial relationship. Now I like most people, but occasionally there is just someone that rubs me the wrong way, I just don't like the cut of their jib. Ideally this person feels the same way and we can have quality half second stare downs, and try to cut each other down in front of others to boost our own self esteem. Who knows, maybe I could even steal his girlfriend and feel good about it, I don't have many opportunities to do something like that and not feel bad about it. But what if instead he just thinks I'm the cats pajamas? Thinks I'm a fun guy. Wants to go get a beer after work. Holds the door open for me instead of casually slamming it in front of me like my heart of hearts is begging he will. Now what can I do? I can't just concede the complete niceness high ground and be a huge jerk to him like every fiber of me wants to be, it's just not my character. So I'm relegated to clenching my jaw and eating lunch with him when we run into each other at chipotle. I have to make small talk at a party we're both at while I listen to him say things like, "I'd say my favorite restaurant is T.G.I. Fridays", or "I'm so pumped they brought family guy back", or "that damn weather man said there was only 15% chance of rain today and it poured for like an hour, why are they always wrong"?. All the while feigning the fact that I am enjoying myself, that shit is just unfair.
Addition May 28th: So as I re-read this I enjoyed it, but it does come off incredibly jaded. That is not surprising as I wrote it at a time where I was in fact quite jaded on relationships, or at least one. I wouldn't want you to think that that is who I am. My personal relationships are the most important thing in my life and I would trade nothing for them. For all the bad relationship situations that I ennumerated here, none of the inconvinience of any of them can match the proufound experience of a truly great relationship. When you have friend you respect, think is smart and funny, is interesting and elequent, is a good person and you love them, and they feel the same way about you, I really don't know if there is anything more valuable and more worth striving for in this world.
Joey
In the end, it doesn't matter if you love or hate someone, just so long as you find someone with the decency to feel the same way.
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