FAQ

So as many of you know I have been working as a 'pilot' for baxi, a bike taxi company. People talk to me constantly throughout the night; some are interested in a ride, some just want to talk, others are jerks. So I have compiled a list of frequently asked questions I get and my usual responses.

Q: How much does it cost?
A: Depends where you're going. Usually 5-20$.

Q: Can I have a free ride?
A: No

Q: Please?
A: No.

Q: How far do you go?
A: Oriental Bay, Basin Reserve, Train Station, Bottom of Aro Valley and anywhere in between.

Q: How about Lower Hutt? (a suburb man miles away. This question inevitably cracks people up. Feel free to replace Lower Hutt with any place very far away or very high up. The hilarity is just as strong).
A: I'll do it for 1000$ (or more)

Q: How many can you take?
A: Only 2

Q: How about 3?
A: No

Q: What if she sits on my lap?
A: No

Q: What it I gave you an extra 5 dollars?
A: No

Q:C'mon
A: No. Sorry.

Q: How long have you guys been doing this?
A: About a month and a half.

Q: You must keep pretty fit doing this, eh?
A: Ya, I do okay.

Q: Can I touch your thigh (calf, butt, et cetera)?
A: Sure.

Q: How much to Porirua?
A: 1500$ Up Front.

Q: Do you get paid hourly?
A: Nope, I just hire out the bike and whatever I make on top of that is mine to keep.

Q: Do you pay taxes?
A: Umm, sure.

Q: What are you doing later?
A: (Depends on who is asking)

Q: Where are you from
A: The States, Arizona.

Q: Can I get a free ride, just to up there, please?
A: Sorry but like my Grandpa always says, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Q: Are you absolutely knackered (tired)?
A: No, I'm fine. (This transitions from the truth to a lie as the night goes on).

Q: How much money do you make in a night.
A: Oh it depends on the tips. (Real answer: 100$-150%$ dollars most friday, saturday nights)

Q: Do you like this job?
A:Ya, it's sweet as.